Since last month, I took AK and we went with some cousins to see Foster The People. Amazing, amazing show! I absolutely loved it, and so did AK. We need to do those kinda things more often together.
I also reconnected with a guy that I dated a few years back, only to see that he was still the same lame ass he was when we were dating. He apologized for the way he treated me, especially if it hurt me, which was very interesting to hear. He wanted to pick up where we left off (he was engaged at the time we were dating) and I promptly put an end to things. Once a liar and a cheater, always a liar and a cheater.
I then started talking to a nice fellow mid July. We shall see where it goes.
I have also been in more frequent communication with Corey. He has had some things happen that were unexpected and frankly heartbreaking for me, and we have had many long chats at night about things. I even went over and fixed him dinner the other night and told him that I would help him. We talk about everything- him, me, us, life, work, desires for our lives, etc. He did ask "why I was out so late on a school night, cause don't you have a kid at home you're raising" which made me smile. I won't ask for more. He even gave me a book to give to her. People will never understand why I am nice to the man that refuses to have anything to do with our child, and I get that. I can't be mad or hate the person that gave me the best gift in my life, cause then wouldn't it be saying that I hate/dislike my child's existence? Frankly, that couldn't be farther from the truth. This is what we both signed up for. What we both knew we would be dealing with. This is how it was meant to be and I wouldn't change it for the world. I like the relationship that everyone has with eachother. Ours as a friend/confidant, him not in her life one moment and out the next, and mine and her's being as strong as can be because he is not in the picture. This is why I also do not want anymore kids. I can't put another child through what AK is struggling with, and will most likely struggle with until she meets him and forgives him. Until that time comes, if ever, it will be a hard road for her, and I can't be there for her like I am now if I've got another kid in the mix. AK needs stability and she has that with me- will always have that. I can't jeopardize that.
Things are better then they have been in a long time. I'm starting school again in September, have some weekend getaways planned, people to go see and do stuff with, and have been doing a lot of soul searching lately.
I am me. I am happy.
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