Ok, so Brandon asked Candice and I to go shopping with him to pick out a pair of pants. Ok, this will be fun- my two favorite people doing what people do- shop, hang out, whatever. Well, let me tell you- we got much more then what we bargained for.
Our adventure started at 4:30pm yesterday. The plan was to go to Nordstrom Rack, buy B pants and end the night by 8pm. On our way to N.R, B states that when he goes shopping at the second hand stores, he gives himself a 30 minute window, and if he hasn't found something in that time- he leaves (red flag #1). Oh my hell this explains a lot! We arrive at the Rack and proceed to find pants for B. However, he does not know his size. Wow (red flag #2). We give him 5-6 pairs of jeans and we inquire about the pants he has on. He states they are too big and demonstrates by unbuckling his belt buckle, shaking his hips, which then forces the pants to fall to the floor in rapid time (red flag #3). Oh the laughing that followed...... We left the Rack at about 6pm- Candice and I got some shirts and B left empty handed (red flag #4). B is ornery and demands we feed him before heading out to the wort place on Earth, the mall. You see, B is not a fan of corporate America, yet we work for corporate America, and the last time he stepped foot in a mall was 2003 (red flag #5).
We are off to the mall and B announces that he can't wait to eat Edo, which is not what I heard him say. You see, I hear what I want to hear cause it is much more amusing then the real thing. I thought he said, "you girls gonna get some Guido?" I respond with "you are the only Guido we need" which is then met with laughter. We arrive at what could be called a mall (Fashion Place) and proceed to the food court so B can get his grub on. He ate the Edo and was on cloud nine. Candice and B head to the regular Gap and I head in the other direction for some time alone. You see, B can be very overwhelming, much like a child can be overwhelming. After 30 minutes, a shoe and shirt purchase, I head to the Gap where Candice is pulling her hair out and B has a confused look on his face. Wow- apparently he has tried on 5 pairs of pants and needs to try them all on again for my opinion. I feel so important. Candice and I find a display table to sit on and wait for the show to begin. Out walks B in this HUGE green shirt and horrendous pant. I tell him the pants look horrendous and then ask if he is pregnant with that shirt. He then takes off his shirt, twirls it around his hand, turns around and walks away (hence the picture). This has made our day! Then, as if a sign from God, in walks Sarah and Jordan's gay Dan to the rescue! Dan was on a mission to find himself a shirt for a party, and B noticed his pants since he liked the color and asked where he got them. Dan told him American Eagle, and we were off! We made a detour to Buckle where B was not only unimpressed with their pants, but also with the stitching of the pants. Apparently pants speak and those said 'I'm flashy.'
American Eagle. How can you explain such a glorious sight to two girls and a boy in search for pants since 4:30pm..... it was now 7:45 or 8 o'clock and we were getting desperate and anxious. How hard is it for a guy who has gotten the approval 45 pants ago, still be in search of pants? We had selected 5 pants, and in record time they were narrowed to 4, then to two. Candice and I decided to sit on the couches in the store and wait while B pays for his purchases. I make a call home, and 10 minutes later, B has yet to pay for his damn pants! He is over looking at pants, then sunglasses! What in the hell?! Pay for your damn pants, it's 8:30 and lets get the hell out of here. Thank goodness there was cologne provided for Candice and I to smell. We picked one out for B but he declined and went with glasses and two pair of pants. We finally head back to the car, and B says Candice's car smells like a boys locker room. Oh how I would have paid to be in a locker room at that moment.
Moral of the story, let B go shopping where he normally goes, and if you do take him out shopping, please drink heavily before hand. I'm sure the experience would have been much more pleasant for all girls involved.
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