Duh, Winning!

Well at least Charlie Sheen is, cause I sure as hell am not.

Life is about learning and growing and trying to be a good person, right? Well I have mastered suffering, pain, hurt and rejection. Is it too much to ask that I learn something new? I must have been a serial killer in a past life to have this much shit happen, and none of it good.

Failure is my best friend. I continuously fail at everything. Just once I would like things to be simple, work out, my voice heard, my opinion taken into consideration, included in life events that I have to deal with.

Everyone has fears, but if we let them rule our lives, we'll miss out on great people. situations, and experiences. You told me to let go of my fears about letting people in, I did, and now you're telling me to go. Or that's what I assume since you won't tell me what is going on until Friday. If it's that important and dire that you get me out of your life, do it now and put me out of my misery. Try not to give me mixed signals either. That's what you did a week ago, and here we are today, you wanting to 'talk'. Don't say you'd fight for something if you're willing to throw in the towel before making an effort. Talk about being blindsided.

I'm just tired of everything. Tired of being lied to, tired of the games and bullshit, tired of always having to wait for the other person, yet being the first person to say sorry or that I was wrong. Tired of being accused about being a horrible friend, yet no evidence to back it up. Tired. Just damn tired.

I'm not perfect. Never said or proclaimed to be. No one is. I'm just a little more honest then the next person, and maybe people can't handle that. Don't know.

All I know is that there really isn't anything to look forward to and it sucks. I'm afraid I will always be the single friend. I'm almost 31 and apparently haven't mastered the art of dating nor do I think I want to. I don't see the benefit in being honest and opening yourself up to someone and being vulnerable just to continually get hurt.